I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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