I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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