Kiss
Puke
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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