If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
