i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize