We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize