So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
