My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The best revenge is premature balding
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Someone signed my nipple.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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