alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
