How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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