Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
