I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
