But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
