I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
