I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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