I just pynch a tree in the face
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
