I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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