I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
cat food counts as protein by the way
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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