I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
