not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
