Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
