I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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