Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
