I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
