Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
