she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
