I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
