i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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