Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
