I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
