i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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