nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
