Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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