I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
