Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
