Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
