flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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