Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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