I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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