This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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