So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
