Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
