And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
