A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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