so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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