it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I looked at my own cervix.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
