brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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