my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
did i walk over a car last night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
