i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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