I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
