i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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