my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
