just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
