i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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