the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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