I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
