just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
