All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
