im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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