Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
