brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
