Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
