hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
