Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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