Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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