She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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