Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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