I am puke
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm getting married
To pizza
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