i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
