I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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