Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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