I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize