just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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