I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
